


Her Rare and Marvelous Spirit

by VL_Heim



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Action & Romance, Action/Adventure, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-08
Updated: 2016-03-17
Packaged: 2018-04-13 16:19:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4528731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VL_Heim/pseuds/VL_Heim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You have a rare and marvelous spirit. In another world..." He whispers. Heartbroken and reflective, later Solas begins to think, what if we had another world? What if we had another chance? Could we be happy? This FanFic is a tribute for all of those broken hearts who weren't ready to give up on their Dread Wolf yet... Here's to another world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_"When I was a child sat upon my mother's knee,  
by firelight she spoke of rights, and ancient history,  
and one phrase she repeated though I knew not what it meant,  
be safe, da'len, young lethallan,_

_May the Dread Wolf never catch your scent."_

_\- Let the Dread Come In, Phemiec_

**Chapter 1: First Encounters**

There's something tragically beautiful about his eyes. I can see them through the fog that grips my body. They are bright blue like mist in the morning, with flecks of darkness like the stormy sea, so deep and wise and so far away. In my mind I see myself reaching out to touch them, grasp the thoughtfulness I witness there and hold those eyes close to my heart. Protect them. Then bright light, so blindingly white that it appears green in my mind's eye, shakes me and I feel heat lick my skin. Clammy and sweating I'm panting when I wake up. I feel queasy and just miss the side of my bed as I vomit the contents of last night's stew onto the dirt floor of my modest hut. Straightening I throw myself back into the pillow and stare at the canvas ceiling. I can't really see the ceiling, it's too dark still, but I know it's there.  _Of course it's there_ , I think to myself absently and sigh. Ridiculous. That dream, I think sternly, afraid to consider any other possibility, shook me more than I thought I guess. Stray thoughts roll around my head. Flashes of memory. Eyes. Light. Burning. I sit upright in a bolt. No more of that, I think as I dress; slowly, methodically, and banish all thoughts of beautiful eyes and green lights from my mind.

Besides the dream, now suppressed and forgotten, the morning passes unremarkably. The first peak of sunshine is kissing the fields beyond. Little wisps of crimson and gold are streaking over the rolling hills and I sigh. Before the sunlight rises any higher I've managed to slip out and beat Fenrick to the hunt. I smile to myself and slink through the forest, bow ready.

I aim my bow up, eyeing a Fennec not far away, and I am just about to lose the arrow when I notice a dark figure out of the corner of my eye. Fast for my own people, I switch to aim at the shadowy figure, pointing my arrow at the largest part of it, the chest. That's when I realize that the figure is Elven. Not a Shem wandering our forests, or even a bear, but an Elf. A male elf. I lower the bow slightly, he's been watching me the whole time and my heart beats fast in my ears. No one ever goes unnoticed by me, by a hunter. I open my mouth to call in our language, "Who are you?" but before I can a loud crack breaks the air, deafening me, and reverberating through my body.

Eyes watering I scream but the sound is lost is a vortex that pulls me dangerously toward a sort of ragged tear, flickering and pulsing. I want to grab at anything to anchor me where I am, to stop the pulling sensation.

"STOP!" I scream. My heart beating through my chest. Tears are running in torrential waves down my cheeks and fear paralyzes my limbs.

Suddenly the tear changes. Taking on shape the pulsing light turned into something...  _someone._  They reach out to me. Danger is all I am aware of but without thought of action or consequence I reach back. When our hands connect there's a split second of clarity and I see a familiar face. I fade from consciousness thinking that I can't quite understand why I feel so safe now.

* * *

I'm fully awake now but when I attempt to open my eyes I feel as if I've spent a night brawling with a Qunari warlord.  _Not that I have any experience with the Qunari_ , I think _._ But I feel exactly like  _what I imagine_ fighting a Qunari would feel like. I start rubbing my eyes with an intense desire to force them open. They feel heavy, swollen, and gummy. Acute panic starts to rise in my throat and I rub harder.

A hand, soft and cool to the touch, takes my hand. "There's no need for that." Without my sight I feel as if that stern but lilting voice is seeing through me and I feel incredibly exposed in my current state, then a striking thought startles me. The last thing I remember is deafening and unimaginable terror and falling into unconsciousness.

"Where am I? Who are you?" Questions and questions are rolling up from the boiling cauldron in my stomach. I choke them down, firmly deciding to adopt a calm demeanor. If I am taken prisoner then I do not want to show weakness. If I am saved then I can convey my gratitude more eloquently.

There is nothing but silence. No wind. No buzz of insects. No breathing. Just silence. Then slowly, sadly, a sigh. "In another time you would know me but sadly everything is different now." I can almost sense the melancholy smile that plays at his lips, for he is most assuredly a "he", when he adds, "You may call me Solas. Now lay still."

I have no other option as his long fingers cover my eyes. When he draws his hands away I can see again and my breath catches. Those eyes. Those familiar, startlingly blue eyes. I am instantly aware that I know him better than I've known anyone else. Intimately but I can't remember anything about him. I can't even remember ever seeing him before.  _But those eyes,_  I think. Those eyes have plagued my dreams and nightmares for the last six months. "You..." I breathe.

Surprise and alarm flicker across his delicate features. Like approaching an injured and frightened animal he says, "Do you  _know me_?" It is a curse and prayer as the words leave his lips.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes. Reaching into the corners of every memory I try to bring up the face sitting only a few paces from me now. Pale skin and delicate features, a noble chin. I open my eyes to look again. He is sitting cross legged, evergreen robes and a mage's staff laying over his knees, he does not wear Circle Robes so he is obviously an Apostate. Could I really forget someone like him?

"No, I'm sorry," I say. "I must have mistaken you for someone else."

Tension rolls off his shoulders as he relaxes slightly, unnoticeably. "'Tis to be expected I would guess. You went through quite the ordeal." I open my mouth but he knowingly continues without pause, "I will answer all of your questions. I promise." He looks warmly at me. Pointedly. "But you must allow me to do one thing." I nod sternly and he leans in close. In one elegant movement we are both standing. He holds me by my waist. Our surrounding, which I hadn't noticed before dissolved away.

"Here we are." Solas says as he lets go of my waist. My heart stops fluttering and strange disappointment rolls through me as he steps away.

Then I look around.

My caravan. My home. I see myself slipping into the forests, just as I did this morning. The Keeper is stirring and the other hunting parties are readying to leave camp. Fenrick is laughing at a joke from one of the younger Da'len. He throws his head back.  _That must have been why he was late this morning_ , I think to myself,  _it is strange to see the past._

"You've been here before. In this specific spot. You've been many places but your Clan returns to this camp every several years. There are many fond memories here. You and your older sister plaiting your hair with flowers. You mother cooking the stew you enjoy so much. Your father lifting you onto his shoulders. There are scars too," Solas' voice drifts to me, he pauses, as if wondering how to continue. Directly, he decides as he says, "Mourning the death of a beloved wife and mother. Saying goodbye to Mira when she moved away with her husband's caravan. Nursing your father in his old age." Solas looks at me. Blue eyes full of empathy, "You have a beautiful family."

I only nod. Trying to fulfill my agreement and not interrupt the strange goings-on.

"You will not understand our history so I will spare trying to explain that just yet. Perhaps that is selfish but it buys me more time trying to choose my words." He smiles thoughtfully. "But I thought perhaps it would be best to show you what happened when we met in the forest." Just as Solas speaks I see him, or rather a shadow of him, looking at me, with my bow aimed at his chest. Then, as I step toward him something strange happens, bright light pours out from something like a crystallized shard in the air. Energy buzzes around the  _thing_  and wisps of the glowing green light are escaping from it. Familiar panic is raising in me as I watch the tendrils of smoke and light reach around the crumpled up shape that is my shadow-self, it is pulling me in. My shadow screams something unintelligible. Solas, the other Solas, walks through the warp and as he disappears so does whatever was trying to claim my body. He stands whole and unharmed in its place and holds his hand out to me.  _He did save me_ , I think.

Just as we arrived we depart. The surroundings dissolve into nothingness and we are back where we began. I now see that it is a dark cave, there is a small fire is still burning and it is as if we never moved. I yawn, as if waking.

"Good morning." Solas says, and I blink.

"Morning?" I say.

Solas chuckles, it is not a laugh with any joy but he seems mildly amused. "Yes, morning. Lucid dreaming takes a lot out of a person but you performed amiably. You slept all night and woke in the morning as if you had dreamt in the Fade before." This time I abandon all pretense and gawk openly at him. The Fade? Again he answers with an understanding of my thoughts, "Yes, you walked in the Fade. Only in your dream and I was there to guide you but you were there. It is true." The amusement leaves his face.

Very slowly, very sternly, and very gently he says. "You have incredible power Lavellan, and I fear I need you."

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You have a rare and marvelous spirit. In another world..." He whispers. Heartbroken and reflective, later Solas begins to think, what if we had another world? What if we had another chance? Could we be happy? This FanFic is a tribute for all of those broken hearts who weren't ready to give up on their Dread Wolf yet... Here's to another world.

**Chapter 2: The Keeper**

"I need you," his voice still echoes in my ears. I had only nodded, not making any promises, but I could already feel the unmistakable tug of curiosity in my belly. It was like there was something tangible between us. Something precious and unknown. He made the hair stand on the back of my neck the whole walk back to the camp. I could feel his gaze on me as I led the way through the forest, cutting off and on a path my clan had carved out in our many months here.

When we arrived back at camp, it was past mid-day. Fenrick and the other hunters would be back already, and I dreaded having to face him, them, after missing yesterday and today. They would ask so many questions and tease me without mercy. More so if they noticed the strange man escorting me. None of them would recognize Solas but they would assume he was another Dalish from another Clan and they would regard him with a certain amount of curious distance. It was not common to travel between clans often and certainly not unaccompanied by some sort of envoy or party. They would stare and wink at me as we walk by. Knowing this, and trying to think of excuses for Solas' presence, we walked into camp.

I was surprised that the camp was relatively quiet. No one was outside of their homes. It was unsettling and instinct seized my body. The Dalish did not go into hiding but we knew when to retreat to our homes, especially when Shems threatened our livelihoods, but in such a case at that, usually a few hunters and warriors would be rallied to protect our Caravan. There was no such party which made my skin bristle. I stopped in my tracks. "Where is everybody?" I asked, to no one in particular because Solas would know just as much as I.

At that moment, Keeper Deshanna stepped into the clearing, followed by her First. She walked toward us and we walked toward them until we met each other somewhere in the middle. "Da'Len," the Keeper said, reaching out to take my face in her hands, "You seem to have quite the destiny." She kissed my forehead, right in the centre of my vallaslin, and I nodded to her. Then she turned to Solas, "The stars foretold your arrival but I could not have read or anticipated this. Come, there is much to discuss."

Solas explained to the Keeper that he would need to take me far from my home. That I was a part of a higher plan. He revealed very little of himself, and the Keeper hardly asked any questions. "You planned on sending her to the Conclave, did you not? Instead, I am here to fetch her." Solas finished.

Keeper Deshanna sighed, "You do not lie, I had planned to send her to the Conclave but when I went to find her yesterday she was hunting. Then she did not return. A strange turn of events." She looked at me, as if she were extremely sad. "Alright, you may go with him, but please take care of her."

When we left the Keeper's tent, Fenrick ran across to us, his eyebrows knit in a scowl. "Are you really leaving?" He asked me, his eyes glancing at Solas and then back to me. I nodded once and tried to walk past him.

"Then I want to come with you." He said, stepping easily in front of me.

"Fen," I started, "Keeper Deshanna can't do without two of her best hunters. You must stay and feed everyone." I had tried to sound light about it but the scowl on his face darkened.

"My place is with you Lethallan." Fenrick said, stepping closer, lowering his voice.

I had to force myself to look back into his familiar brown eyes. At one point in my life, I had thought that it would be those eyes I was looking into every day. "That's not exact truth Fen. You do not owe me your future. Not anymore."

Fenrick made a sort of chocking sound. "What do you mean?" He asked, hurt clouding his words.

Still, I had to force myself to not look away, "I mean that I must leave, and you must stay, and that I release you from the promise you made to my father."

"But I thought this is what you wanted?" He asked. Confused.

"We were only matched because my father wanted to take care of me. We've always been friends Fen, but that is all that we are. All that we can ever be. Don't you see, it is better this way? Now please, don't make this harder for us." I stepped around him and went straight to my tent.

The Keeper came to send us off. She came alone. Fenrick was not there and neither was the Keeper's First. It was just Solas, Myself and the Keeper. She handed me a small packaged, wrapped in Halla leather. "For you, Da'len" She said, before wrapping her arms around me and pulling me into a tight embrace. The Keeper was older than my mother but when my own mother had died, Keeper Deshanna had been a motherly figure in my life where my father could not have been and when my father passed too, the Keeper kept me closer. Now she whispered into my ear, sending shivers up my spine, "May the Dread Wolf never catch your scent."

And now I am alone.

Not entirely alone, I remind myself, but Solas has not spoken one word to me all day. He walks ahead of me and looks back once in a while to see if I'm still following. I have bit my tongue many times today, choking down hundreds upon hundreds of questions. It is not until we make camp, the farthest away from my clan I have ever been, that he says, "You were promised?"

I had expected that he would talk to me at one point or another. That he would clarify what is happening or even make small talk about how severely hot it was today, but this, this catches me off guard. I lift my eyes very slowly to his, that familiar pang shoots through me when our gazes meet. Solas holds my gaze for the briefest of moments before he looks down into our small camp fire.

"Yes" I say, slowly, unsure of pursuing this line of discussion. "I guess that is what it is called."

"A curious response." He says, this time he doesn't look at me at all.

It takes a considerable about of self-control to force myself from scoffing at him. "For a curious question." I say defensively. His eyes flicker to me.

"I just never knew that you had a..." Solas' voice trails off, leaving his sentence unfinished and hanging in the air. Drifting in the open space between us.

"You know nothing about me." I say, looking at him level and unblinking. My tone icier than I had expected. As soon as the words leave my lips, I wish I could take them back because the look on his face when he hears what I say is painful. It is as though I have slapped him, hard. Then the hurt passes and he returns my cool gaze. I falter and look into my lap. "Fenrick and I were not lovers. We grew up together. My father favoured him. Then my father made Fen promise to take care of me. He was too much like a brother and it was so complicated. We would have hated being bonded." I try to explain, to amend my harsh words. A pang of guilt rips through me as I think about Fenrick. He would have followed me anywhere. He would have taken care of me forever, just like he had promised.  _Maybe he did love me? Could I have been so blind? Surely not._

These thoughts consume me as Solas stands, "I see," is all that he says on the subject before leaving, wandering off into the dark forest.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You have a rare and marvelous spirit. In another world..." He whispers. Heartbroken and reflective, later Solas begins to think, what if we had another world? What if we had another chance? Could we be happy? This FanFic is a tribute for all of those broken hearts who weren't ready to give up on their Dread Wolf yet... Here's to another world.

 

 

 

**Chapter 3: The Eluvian**

I rinsed my hair in a small stream, trying in vain to wash away the array of twigs stuck in it, and humming a song my mother used to sing to me while I wash. Solas took off a few hours ago, promising he would be back soon and he was gone before I could even ask a single questions. I wrap my hair around my head in a braid, again something my mother taught me, it will dry and then I will release it and it will cascade down my back in elegant waves instead of drying flat and hanging to the side of my face.

There is a rustle in the bush. My instincts twinge. Solas moves much quieter, and an animal wouldn't come this close to our camp. No, the sound I am hearing is not a lumbering bear. There are very distinct footfalls and animals do not have footfalls. Before the unexpected intruder makes it to our camp I have shoved a nearby knife into my boot, hold another in my hand and have taken two steps toward my bow, which is propped up by a tree, the quiver abandoned beside it on the grass. I wish I was wearing my hunting coat but that too is laid on a rock by the river. A trickle of water runs into my eye from my still wet hair and I wipe it away only to see three Shemlen hunters entering the clearing. They are obviously looking for water because at first they are transfixed by my little stream; a bubbling little waterfall and the river flowing from it. They pull out canteens, and I freeze, not breathing. Two of them have bows slung over their backs, and one a crossbow in hand. The one with a crossbow seems less dense than his companions because it isn't two heartbeats before his attention drifts from the stream and realizes they are not alone. He nudges the two beside him and they pull their eyes from the fresh water. When all three of them have looked me up and down a wicked smile plays at the mouth of the Shem with the crossbow.  _He must be their Alpha_ , I think, exhaling, trying to even my pulse. I have never been this close to a Shem without a party. If we ever have any business with the humans we always go in groups, never unattended and while the humans near our main campsite are friendly, not all humans are so accommodating. A stinging memory of my mother rips at my heart and I choke it down. Forcing myself to assess the issue at hand. Three of them, one of me.

"Look at what we have here." The Alpha says, his wicked smile turning into an even wickeder leer. "A pretty little Dalish with nowhere to go. Where is your clan dearest? You aren't alone out here are you? The woods are a frightening place for a little girl." He cackles and takes a step closer to me.

I don't say anything but I do narrow my eyes at him. If looks could kill, he would be half dead by now. He takes another step closer. "Maybe she don't speak our language." One of the other Shems says. The Alpha isn't convinced.

"Oh she understands us alright. Smart little thing. I think I'm going to enjoy taking her, so delicate, so pretty. She'll be nothing like my troll of a wife. No, she looks sweet. Like a little flower." My stomach churns and I force myself not to gag, swallowing the bile in my throat. The Alpha continues to advance on me and my hand holding the dagger twitches with the hilt pressed into my palm.  _One more step_ , I think,  _one more step closer and I will cut that tongue out of his mouth._  He takes another step and before I can hesitate the dagger is fleeing my fingers, slicing through the air, hilt over blade and landing in the throat of one of the henchmen. The Shem's blood spurts from his throat. Spraying a fine mist on the Alpha's cheek. Surprise takes hold of them and it is all I need to reach out, grab my bow and grapple an arrow into place. I have it trained on the Alpha's face before he even realizes what has happened.

His eyes narrow, "Where did a little girl like you learn to throw like that?" He says, his voice tremoring despite his obnoxious posturing.

A small swell of pride and victory rises inside of me and it is my turn to be coy. I open my mouth to tell him off but just as I am about to say that the Dalish teach their daughters more than needlepoint, a voice cuts the air.

"She is not a little anything." The words are drawn, tense, and electric. Solas steps into the clearing, his staff charged with frosty wisps, ice covering his hand where he holds the grip. In a fluid, elegant motion, ice flies through the air, penetrating both of the humans. Simultaneously, Solas whips around in a circle, bringing the butt of his staff down to the earth with an uncharacteristic flourish and the humans freeze completely over before exploding into a thousand little shards. What is left is a grizzly sight, enchanted ice, frozen blood, and indistinguishable body fragments.

Solas takes a deep breath and exhales slowly. He turns to me.

"Was that really necessary?" I ask. My eyes glancing to the gruesome clearing. I wonder if the Alpha's wife will miss him. I think not. I silently wish her a happier life without her pig of a husband.

Solas appears to be calm but his eyes flick to mine and I am surprised to see a passionate frenzy there. They are almost wild looking, dancing with deep blue fire. "Yes." He says, almost snarls. Then he takes another deep breath and continues in his usual deliberate and controlled tone, "They were disgusting. The hunger in their eyes. What they said to you. Pathetic creatures."

I silently wonder how much he had overheard before intervening but think twice about divulging the complete encounter to him.  _I'm going to enjoy taking her_. I shudder and judging by Solas' reaction, I doubt he would have waited for them to encroach further toward me if he had heard all of it. Instead I say, "I was handling it."

Solas softens, his shoulders relaxing, the fire in his eyes fading. "I never doubted you. You are worth ten of them," he nods toward the man with a dagger stuck in his throat, the body crumpled on the ground, "I know you do not need saving Lethallan."

I feel a small smile tug at my lips but I smothered it and turn away. I sling my bow across my body and tuck the arrow into my quiver, swinging that over my shoulder. "Where to now Solas?" I ask when I turn back to him. He doesn't blink, his face a mask once again, and says, "This way." I follow him, cutting through the forest to our destination. Another mile of ducking between trees and we take one more step, and an electric current runs through my foot, up my leg, and pangs through my heart. It doesn't hurt but the pang echoes through me. "What?" I gasp.

"Ah, you can sense it can't you?" Solas says beside me. I stop and look at him. He takes a couple steps ahead of me and then stops as well. "We are currently standing on ancient elven lands. While the buildings have long crumbled, lost to history, the land has not forgotten the magic here. Do not panic, the shock will pass." He twists to face me and smiles, the affect sends a little shiver down my spine that has nothing to do with ancient magic. "I must confess, I did not know if a Dalish would respond to the wards here. I am pleased to see that you are still connected to our people."

As his words sink in, my brow furrows. "The Dalish are our people. We are trying to recover what was lost, of course we would be affected by our ancient magic."

"Indeed." Solas says, his frown matching my own. "While the Dalish do strive to grasp our history, I am afraid there is much they still don't know." He turns back and continues to walk through the forest, closing the discussion.

We approach the remainder of the ruins in complete silence. There is something of a reverence in the silence. I try not to gape at the magnificent stone statues and overgrown ivy arches. Finally, we stop. Standing before us is a curious mirror. It is tall and cloudy, not quite reflecting anything back but also transcendent. I swear that I can see  _something_  in it but when I blink my eyes whatever was there is gone. I am transfixed. I don't know how long we stand there but Solas takes a step toward the mirror and touches the glass with his fingertips, then he turns to me.

"It is called an Eluvian." He says, "It is an ancient Elven artifact. From the time in Arlathan." Solas' voice is distant, there is something similar to the mirror in his tone. When he takes his hand away from the glass there is a faint shimmer of blue light that ripples across the surface of the mirror, then it fades.

" _Eluvian_ " I whisper in Elvhen. "Mirror." I repeat in the common tongue, for that is what it is.

Solas nods at me. "It is one of the few left in the world. If it were not for a…  _friend of mine…_ I would not have even known that this one was here to begin with. It will take us to where we need to go next."

"And where is that exactly?" I ask, ignoring several other questions that come to mind regarding the Elven artifact.

"A fortress." Solas says, his voice flat.

"Why?" I press.

"Lavellan, I appreciate your curious nature but please, it will be easier to answer your questions with time. When we arrive at our destination I promise everything will be made clear. "

With that, he touches the glass again, this time with more than his fingertips. He places his hand flat on the icy surface. The whole mirror turns into a shimmering gateway, Solas throws me a sidelong glance, and without another moment's pause, he reaches out and takes my hand. We walk through the Eluvian, and as we do, I feel my skin tingle.

Where we emerge is not what I expect. It is misty and grey and eerily quiet. Around us are strange looking trees, made of stone and glass, and hundreds of Eluvians, for as far as I can see. "This is your fortress?" I ask, my voice echoing in the still air around us.

Solas laughs, and the sound bounces away from us. "Not nearly. It may have been that to others but I find no comfort here." He pauses, as if considering something profoundly hurtful. His eyes look into the distance and he clears his throat, "No. This is what Morrigan called the Crossroads. The word for what our ancestors called it is now long forgotten but is a place between."

"Morrigan?" I whisper. I feel a hot jab of  _jealousy?_  But if I press that down, then I can taste her name on my tongue. It is familiar. Solas says nothing so instead I ask, "Between what? Have you been here before?"

A wry smile parts Solas' lips. "How do you think I found your clan?" I nod, the answer is obvious but I like seeing his smile. "As for where we are, where the Between is. That is the question, is it not?" He continues to smile and I smile back. Then I pause.

"How come we don't know about this place? The Dalish I mean." I say, slowly.

His smile gives way and he is back to his polite neutrality. "Some secrets are best left that way."

"Do you believe that?" I ask, suddenly quite curious.

"Yes." He nods. "Nothing is ever simple, and sometimes it is best to choose which secrets to share. Which we will expose and which are best to keep to ourselves. Here we are." Solas stops in front of another looking glass. "Are you ready Lethellan?"

"Yes." I reply, this time, I steal my courage and reach for his hand. He looks down, surprise fleeting across his face, and then he turns his attention back to the Eluvian. Once more he places his hand on the glass, and once more it illuminates, slue, shining, and crystalline. And once again we walk through hand in hand.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You have a rare and marvelous spirit. In another world..." He whispers. Heartbroken and reflective, later Solas begins to think, what if we had another world? What if we had another chance? Could we be happy? This FanFic is a tribute for all of those broken hearts who weren't ready to give up on their Dread Wolf yet... Here's to another world.

**Chapter 4: Skyhold Fortress**

Over the horizon is a tall ruin. Crumbling, falling, magnificent. "Wow," I breathe. Stepping away from the Eluvian that is nestled nicely between two tall imposing trees. The Eluvian was placed perfectly so that anyone travelling through it would see the fortress Solas had spoken of immediately. I wonder to myself if that is how  _they_ , the ancient Elves, planned it or if someone had built the fortress near the Eluvian on purpose. Then again, perhaps whoever had built the fortress had never even known the Eluvian was there, and it is simply a happy coincidence.

"Yes, it is remarkable, is it not?" Solas says over my shoulder.

I nod. There are no words to describe it so instead I say " _Haninan."_   _The glorious place._

Nestled between two regal mountains and standing just above the tree tops. A roof sags on the north-facing side of the tower but besides that, the structure looks strong and formidable. "It is glorious isn't it? It was home to a powerful mage looking to unlock ancient secrets." Solas says, not taking his eyes from the fortress.

"What secrets?" I rip my eyes away from the horizon to ask him.

A small smile that warms his eyes passes across his lips.  _He approves of questions_ , I think to myself but then correct,  _no he approves of knowledge._ "Elven secrets." He speaks, but the wind carries his words away and they swirl all around me, through my hair, and up my skin. I shiver.

It takes another hour to hike through the mountain pass to the entrance of the fortress ruin. Solas plants his staff at the gate and the large doors swing open. "Welcome to  _Tarasyl'an Te'las_ ," Solas booms, his voice echoing, "to Skyhold."

_The place where the sky is kept._

"Skyhold…" I repeat in wonder. The fast setting sun shines through boarded up windows and colours the old stone in shades of rusty orange and brilliant gold. Dust particles dance in the air like lords and ladies at a regal ball, swirling to rest on the straw covered floor. "Is this where we will be staying?" I ask, half aware of his eyes watching me intently as he always does when he thinks I am not looking.

"I think it will suit our needs for the time being, don't you?" He responds. He voice controlled and neutral. I nod, ignoring the fact that I don't really understand what our needs are.

* * *

My eyes open wide and take a moment to adjust to the darkness. Dreams again. Always dreams.  _Memories…_  Something whispers in the back of my head and down my spine into my heart. I shake it off. After settling me down in a room just off the main hall, Solas slinked away. He didn't say where he would be if I needed him but by now I didn't expect anything like that. I slip onto my feet. The stone cold under my bare toes.  _How I wish the floor was dirt¸_  I think. Realizing that I missed my little caravan.

Then I suddenly remember the Keeper's gift to me. I fish out the leather package from my bundle and set it on my lap. With very shaky hands I untie the cords holding it closed. My heart pounding.  _What could it be? Why did I get the sense that it was only for my eyes alone?_

At first I am almost disappointed. Laying unwrapped, in my lap, is a small hair comb. It is carved beautifully from some sort of bone but it is an ornate trinket that has little value. I am about to wrap it back up and put it away when I see a tiny folded up piece of parchment underneath the decorative vines and comb teeth.

" _From your mother,"_  is all the paper reads. Tears spring to my eyes. The Keeper kept this, all these years, for me. Then a slow realization dawns. She gave it to me because she does not think I will come back. This cuts deep and panic rises in the back of my throat as I consider what that means.  _What am I doing here?_  I think.  _Why would I not return home?_ I try to take a deep breath but I only feel as though the stone walls are tightening around me. At night the large walls seems larger and more imposing.  _Like being inside the belly of a beast._

It doesn't take long to decide a walk would be a good distraction. I tuck my mother's comb back into my bundle and slip out of my room, down the hallway, and into the main entrance once more. In the far corner opposite me I can see the flicker of a candle dance on the stone walls. Solas. I walk to the door and push it open. The room before me is circular and tall, like a tower. The walls slope slightly with centuries of age but otherwise it is just as beautiful and grand as the rest of what I've seen of Skyhold. A small candle burns down on a desk in the middle of the tower, the low light casting shadows and pools of light on the blank stone walls. Solas is asleep. His head perched against his shoulder, lolling to one side uncomfortably. He is serene asleep. The alert stiffness that he carries when awake is melted away. He looks young. Far younger than I know he is. I think to wake him, to suggest that he moves before his neck stiffens completely but a glint around his neck makes me pause. A totem hangs from cord around his neck and settles around his heart. The polished wood is dark and glossy, the light from the candle bouncing off it and making it sparkle. Something about it makes me pause. I wonder how I could have missed it before. Hanging around his neck this whole time.

With one cautious hand I gingerly reach out to touch the wood. My finger presses against the cool surface and I slide it down the smooth, strange shape. No not wood. Bone. Ancient bone. It pulses with power, I can feel it run up my arm, tingling. My heart hammers in my chest and blood rushes in my ears. Solas moves and I pull away. My breath catching. He shifts and rolls his head to the other shoulder murmuring softly. I catch a syllable of my name and wait for an eternity for him to continue. When he doesn't my attention turns back to the talisman. Without thinking, possessed, I reach my hand back out and this time close my fingers around the bones. Instantly power spills into the tower. Blinding and white and I am knocked back to the ground.

Solas is on his feet. Standing before me light pours from the centre of him, from the bone totem. Gone is the relaxed youth and in his stead is a lethal and angry demi-god. My instincts tell me to cower; to beg forgiveness, but folly makes me stand and brush off my already dirty clothes. This is Solas, although I may not trust him fully, he practically begged me to be here and now that I am he will not harm me over simple curiosity.

I hope.

"Curious little girl!" He is not shouting but I wish he were because his voice pierces a place inside me that shouting could never reach. "Do not play with things you cannot understand Lethallan!"

I find myself wishing that I had cowered because saving face feels impossible at this point. I do not have the energy to be defiant. Nor do I wish to. I was lost in my fascination. I hadn't even considered consequences. But I cannot simply bow my head now that I've deliberately stood up with such disdain for him. I hold his gaze and nod. He sinks back down in his chair, not blinking. We stare at each other for what seems like an eternity. I finally cave and break away.

I turn to leave but pause at the doorway. Over my shoulder I say, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean any harm." Waves of confusing regret wash over me and I push them down. Why is it so difficult to see him put out with me?  _I owe him nothing,_ I think. But regardless the regret still lingers and threatening tears prick the corners of my eyes. Controlled, as to not betray any further emotion, I rush out of the tower room. I do not know where my feet are taking me but I do not care. I simply want distance. Distance from my over active mind. Distance from the hungry greed that pushed me to take the totem in the tower.  _Distance from him…_

Wherever I am, I am vaguely aware of the night's wind on my cheeks. I feel flushed and lean against a wall. Looking out I see the mountains until darkness engulfs them in the distance. I don't really remember climbing any stairs or coming outside but I am glad I did. The soft wind and clear sky calm me. I've always felt safe outside.

Moonlight spills over the wall and flashes of blue memories flood through me. I can see and almost feel a gentle hand pressed into the small of my back, the tingling on my skin, and a kiss on my lips.

_That dream,_ I think,  _haunting me._

And in a moment everything is undone.

Tears stream down my face and I am openly weeping into the night. My sobs echo back to me like the large mountains mock me.  _Curious little girl._  Solas' words cut deep. I cannot blame him for what he said, he was right – I am like a child, but I am also confused and lonely. Bitterness seeps through my tears. He is a mystery and whatever made me reach out to him was beyond my control. There is an undeniable connection there but I am at a loss to understand why. He took me from my home, from my family, and I still feel clueless in stark contrast to all of his knowledge. I weep.

As usual I do not hear him coming but I am not surprised when I've cried until my cries come no more and suddenly a cool hand finds my shoulder. My eyes are sore and probably very red and my breath is coming in shakey vibrations. I turn to look at him. He does not look angry anymore. He does not even look upset. His eyebrows are knit together and his mouth is pressed in determined concern. Something clicks and I realize he is worried…  _for me_?

I sniff. "What do you want?" A little gust of wind rustles my hair and blows it into my eyes. Solas moves, his reaction time is instinctual, ande reaches out to brush the strands behind my ear. Warmth rushes through me, colouring my cheeks. The void of despair that has swallowed me whole seems a little shallower now. "Don't." I protest meekly. I don't even know why I say it.

"I've done it again." He whispers, his eyes lonesome but before I can ask what he means he leans in and presses his soft lips to mine. Panic rushes through me but so does something familiar. Something like coming home even though you never knew where home was. I tentatively place my hands against his chest and lean slightly into the kiss, kissing back. He breaks away and looks down. "I'm sorry." He breathes. When he looks back into my face his eyes are bright with tears. Real tears. "I owe you so much. There's much to explain. Too much it would seem. Far too much. It's crushing."

"That can wait." I say, my voice far away. I reach out. My hands shake, thinking he might pull away, or worse stop me, but when my hand touches his cheek, he leans into the embrace of my fingers and pulls me even closer.

Kissing my forehead he says, "I am the most selfish of men."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You have a rare and marvelous spirit. In another world..." He whispers. Heartbroken and reflective, later Solas begins to think, what if we had another world? What if we had another chance? Could we be happy? This FanFic is a tribute for all of those broken hearts who weren't ready to give up on their Dread Wolf yet... Here's to another world.
> 
> Speaking of another world... Has anyone seen the trailer for the Dragon Age: Inquisition DLC, Trespasser, coming your way September 8th? I've included a link for you to check it out. Be prepared to have your heart stopped and ripped out of your chest. It looks amazing! Let me know what you think! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vT5Ljhybib8

**Chapter 5: Powers that Lie Dormant**

I wake in the morning to sunshine slipping though the slates of old boards. The beams tickle my eyes until I am fully awake. It takes a few moments for me to recall last night but when I do my cheeks are warm and my heart tries to flutter out of my chest. It was like a dream.  _Dreams…_  I think self-consciously. Solas kissing me, looking at me with tender eyes.  _"I am the most selfish of men,"_ echoes in my ears. I could simply overlook that bit, I ponder, dismiss his words for him taking a kiss that was not his to take but something in me knows that there is more.  _There will always be more to him_.

We stood there for moments, just two bodies pressed together in a warm embrace, but when he pulled away it felt like saying goodbye. I clambered for his hand, he took it in return, and he gently stroked the soft piece of my wrist with his thumb as he guided me back inside. I felt like a wisp, a spirit and nothing more, as I followed him. I remind myself, here, in these recollections, that I have no reason to feel ashamed. He embraced me first, he kissed me, but my willingness burns my cheeks scarlet.

I sigh. There is no reason to avoid him. He, who is my sole company on this strange adventure. Just as I am about to slip through my door, I see the light glinting off of my mother's hair comb from the corner of my eye, hastily wrapped and tucked in my open bag. The light bounces off of the smooth bone comb and in one breath, I decide to wear it. I cross back into my room, take out the comb and tuck it into my hair, pulling the long strands to the side and out of my eyes. I instantly feel more confident as I slink down the corridor and into the entrance hall. Pausing, I inhale, and go to the door where I disturbed him last night. I knock gingerly.

"Yes." It is not a question, but a greeting. I open the door and poke the very tip of my face inside.

"Good morning," I say. My voice is small, like a chantry mouse.  _Or an abandoned fortress mouse,_  in my case.

"It is, is it not?" Solas' voice lilts gaily, like a boy and I let out a small grateful sigh. He seems happy as he turns to face me. His eyes meet mine; they are smiling. That is, until they dart to the hair comb tucked above my ear. The sparkle fades from his blue eyes and is replaced by something curious but the smile on his face remains plastered there, unmoving. The effect is unnerving.

I clear my throat, "About last night," I say as I step into the room, not bothering to close the door but I am interrupted.

"I must apologize." Solas' plaster smile drops a touch. "I must have confused you." He pauses, waiting for my answer so I nod. "I find these types of things difficult to deal with in the real world. When I live them for myself." He crosses to me and takes both my hands and I find myself reacting the same as the night before. Which I don't mind. "I swear that everything will be made clear in time," he pauses, aware that he sounds repetitive so adds, "I only ask that you trust me."

I let an easy smile onto my face, "Of course." It feels as if someone else controls my thoughts and actions, like I were one of those hand puppets I would see at Shem travelling carnivals during the summer. The other children and I would sneak to the very outskirts of the strange travelling caravan and watch from a distance. Tiny Elven faces in the dark trees, going unnoticed by the glitz and glamour of those little circuses. We never went close, we had been raised to stay far from humans, reared on stories of their cruelty to elves . Nonetheless we were curious. Albeit was a strange blend of curiosity and fear. I recall those feelings as they rush through my veins once more. Solas had a similar effect over me.

"Good." He claps his hands together suddenly and I blink several times, slightly startled. "Now, it seems to me that it is a good day to begin investigating the extent of your powers." Hope grows inside of me. A breakthrough. "I've helped myself to books I thought useful abandoned in the Library, which if you have a moment you should go and investigate for yourself, it is splendid, but regardless I also brought a few texts of my own I thought suitable for you. You're training will begin with your mind. Here", he hands me a stack of about ten novels in a variety of colours, lengths, and bindings, "these are for you. History. Ruins. The Fade. I think you will find them very informative."

I look at the spines of the books. Some have titles penned on them and I read  _Tales by Keeper Gisharel: An Anthology, Tales of the Destructions of Thedas by Brother Genitivi, In Pursuit of Knowledge by Brother Genitivi, Spirits of the Spire by Senior Enchanter Francois,_ and _Beyond the Veil: Spirits and Demons by Enchanter Mirdromel._ I don't recognize any of them but the top book makes me pause. I know the Shen's chantry book but it surprises me that Solas has included it. "Are you devout?" I ask. Nodding down toward the  _Chant of Light_.

Solas chuckles, "Hardly, but in my experience it is always beneficial to be well read."

"Do you believe in the Elven gods?" I continue, enjoying the newfound ease in our discussion. Reveling in it.

Solas stops and considers for a moment, "I believe that we do not understand our ancient gods, or culture for that matter." I open my mouth to say something more but Solas continues, "But I have learned that my criticisms of what we consider our culture may be too harsh and I have relented. So in answer to your questions, I believe in knowledge, I also believe in respect for others beliefs." He trails off as if recalling fond memories and I suddenly feel like an intruder.

"Maybe I will go find the library, perhaps there is a place for me to read." I say, breaking Solas' contemplation.

"Of course." He replies with a smile.

"Thank you." I say, turning to leave.

Solas stops me, "The library is up those staircases, yes, just through that way." I wander in the direction he points me then hear him say quietly. "Where did you get that comb?" I stop, just about to start climbing the stairs.

My heart hammers in my ears. Instantly my tongue is tied and it is hard to breath. I exhale a low breath and inhale through my nose. "It was a gift." I say. There is a part of me that simply wants to tell him that the comb is from my mother, but another part of me wants to bury that information deep inside myself and hide it from the world. This was her last gift for me, it is precious, and something that still just belongs to her and me.

Solas' response comes slow. His words drawn and tense. "From Fenrick?" He asks.

A pang of regret ripples through my chest so I take another breath. This time I turn around to look at him. Abandoning the waiting staircase for the moment.

"No." I swallow another breath,  _why is this so difficult? Why can't I tell him?_  "It was from my," my mouth is forming the word mother but before I can say it, I finish with, "Keeper." I exhale again. "Keeper Deschanna gave it to me before we left. She said it was a gift so I would never forget where I came from." The lie rolls off of my tongue but I feel strangely calm about it. The pressure that was building in my chest is now gone, replaced by a peace.

Solas' mouth curves into an easy and warm smile, "It is beautiful. May I see it?"

I hesitate for one heartbeat but then I pull the comb from my hair and walk toward him. I lay the delicate gift in his outstretched hand, my heart beating like a tiny caged bird in my chest. He examines it and holds it up to the candle light, the light seeps through the bone, making it look like the candle is burning from within.

"I think it is made out of some kind of bone." I offer as he inspects the detailed vines and flowers carved into the comb.

"Wolf bone." He says, without blinking. I stare at him. He doesn't seem to notice until some moments pass and I am still staring. He clears his throat, "I believe." He adds, rather unconvincingly.

I am just about to ask him how he knows when he takes a step toward me, closing the space between us. I notice how comfortable I fit beside him, the curves of my body complimenting the angles of his. He reaches out and tucks the comb with gentle fingers behind my ear.

"Beautiful." He whispers in that same soft voice. His breath is soft on my skin; tickling my cheekbones. I close my eyes and breathe in his scent. He smells like forest; like the earth and also like something warm, perhaps parchment paper. Then I feel a gentle kiss on my lips, I forget that I am holding a stack of books, I forget about the wolf bone comb in my hair, and I kiss him back.

He pulls away, "Now, time to study." He says. I want to protest, to tell him that I would rather stay right there, beside him, with his lips on mine but the bemused look in his eyes tells me that he already knows that. So instead I return to the stairs and start climbing; Solas' chuckles echoing behind me.

* * *

I stifle a deep yawn and stretch my arms out. I've read most of the morning away, some of it going by fast, but most of it dragging on. The Chant of Light was tiresome after a few pages but I find myself appreciating Brother Genitivi's accounts of the history of Thedas. Reading about the Urn of Secret Ashes makes me almost admire Andraste. I decide that it would be beneficial to stretch my legs and I wonder if Solas would like to take a walk. I am itching to explore those mountains.

I find Solas meditating. He is sitting cross legged with his eyes closes. He inhales into his lungs, his shoulders rising with the relaxing effort, and he exhales, his shoulders dropping off any and all tension. I do not want to interrupt so I stand where I am, still twenty paces away and watch. It is methodic and rhythmic, he is somewhere far away. I can tell from the way his face holds no expression, not even the careful mask he assumes around me. After what seems like a long time, standing and watching, I feel as though I am interrupting a personal moment so I decide that I will take a walk on my own. When I turn to leave Solas speaks. "You do not have to leave if you do not wish it, Lethallan."

I turn back around, he hasn't moved and his eyes are still closed but his chin is tilted in my direction. I move toward him and sit myself across him, mirroring him I cross my legs. "Where are you?" I ask, struggling to put the question into words.

"I'm here at present but I was just about to slip into the Fade when you approached." He peeks one eye open to look at me and smiles, "I guess you are too distracting."

"If you want I can leave and come back if I'm bothering you." I blubber, blush creeping my my neck and colouring my face.

Solas now opens both his eyes, he stands and brushes himself off, "No, no, do not think of such a thing. You are no bother." He offers me a hand up and I take it, warmth spreading through me again.  _That's becoming familiar,_  I think. "What is it you wanted, Vhenan?" He says, not letting go of my hand when I am standing. I make a choking noise.  _Heart._ Such an intimate word.  _Who is he?_ _And why does he make me feel this way?_  I interrogate myself. Searching for a reason that he would have such a strong hold on my emotions.

I take my hand gently, embarrassed that I can't seem to think straight when he holds it. "I was just…" Suddenly a walk seems juvenile and I finish with, "Coming to ask you if we could try some magic now?" I square my shoulders to him and stare into his eyes determinedly.

He chuckles as if reading my thoughts but I keep face and continue to look at him. He stops his laughing and holds my gaze seriously, "I see that you are determined." I nod. "Very well."

Solas has me standing across from him. He has explains that the veil is thin here, and I feel an involuntary shutter run down my spine.  _The veil is weak here, can you feel it?_  An echo whispers to me from somewhere very far away. I try to clear my mind, shaking the whisper from my head, and focus on what Solas is saying. "I must make a confession." He says calmly, "When we first met, the green light, the Fade extending around you, was not my doing. While I still have a key of sorts and was able to close it, it was not me who opened the door. That was you. You have a strange power and I hope that together we can learn to understand it. It would appear that you weaken the veil and I think at times you may be able to rip it, resulting in that rift we witnessed together when we first met in the forest." His words are carried to me, and as understanding sinks into me, my stomach goes cold. That thing was  _my fault_? I swallow. Calm.  _Just stay calm._  Solas continues, "I would like you to try to do it again. I think that you can learn to control this power, to turn it on and off, so to speak. To open rifts but also to close them." I look at him, panicked. "Do not fear, I have a contingency plan and if anything goes amiss I will close the breech and protect you." I swallow again.  _I should have just suggested the walk_ , I think.

Taking a deep breath I try to recall what happened the day I encountered Solas. All I can remember is the green light and fear and then him being there. Nothing remarkable stands out about triggering the Fade tear. I sigh in frustration, if I can't think about how I did it to begin with, how am I supposed to do it again?

"Perhaps try thinking of something that rouses a lot of emotion in you. It doesn't need to be a negative emotion, just something powerful." Solas whispers, or at least his voice sounds far away like a whisper. I close my eyes. Clearing my head, I think about my father, tender warmth spreads in my chest and I smile slightly at his messed brown hair and kind green eyes. Nothing else happens. I think about the Shens who killed my mother. Red hot anger rips through the memory of my father and breaks my heart. Tears streak down my face. Still nothing. I think of how lonely I was when my sister moved away with her husband. How scared I was when the fade opened. How passionate I felt toward Solas just the night before and each time nothing.

Solas' voice drifts into my memories from somewhere very distant. "Try not to think but to feel."

I stop thinking. Darkness. Then, like a little flame, something flickers. A memory _. Paralyzing despair washes over me. I stand victorious, triumphant but that passes quickly. "It wasn't supposed to happen this way." Then, just as my mother, father, and sister left, so did he. Without a word. Gone. A mystery that leaves me hallow. I feel the weight of the emptiness and sadness, even though I know I should feel joy, I am confused._

"Amazing!" Solas's voice breaks my trance and my eyes flick open. Around me, the Fade pulses and licks the air. It is warm, alive, like a heartbeat. I look at him, shock and surprise and accomplishment all swell within me. I close my eyes and something curious starts to happen, the heartbeat of the fade pulses through me and there are more memories. I see Solas lifting my hand into the sky, I see him fighting alongside me on a mountain, I see him talking in serious tones with music and dancing in the background, I see him walking ahead through the snow and over a mountain top, I see him.  _I see him._  All at once I am overjoyed and also enraged. The Fade that pulses around me spikes dangerously. It is growing and before I know what is happening, something tears across my chest, deep claws ripping through my skin. My eyes fly open and I scream. Simultaneously, Solas is closing the rift and kneeling beside me, holding my body close. There is lots of blood. I feel cold, and darkness flecks my vision.

"It was you." I say. Solas' face is screwed in a painfully heart wrenching scowl. A warmth is spreading through my chest, stitching me back together, but I still feel raw and broken. "It was you." I say again before the blackness swallows my vision and I drift far away.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You have a rare and marvelous spirit. In another world..." He whispers. Heartbroken and reflective, later Solas begins to think, what if we had another world? What if we had another chance? Could we be happy? This FanFic is a tribute for all of those broken hearts who weren't ready to give up on their Dread Wolf yet... Here's to another world.

**Chapter 6: Remembering**

I'm falling, my gut lurches into my throat, my hair whips around my face, tears pool in the corners of my eyes but even as I fall, I see everything. Fragments, memories, like distant dreams floating by, resurfacing, flowing and ebbing like the tide. Slowly the memories start to make sense. It's a history that I never knew but it crowds my mind's eye and I  _know_ it. That morning I met Solas, I should have been sent to the Conclave by Keeper Deschanna. From there I would have witnessed the Chantry's Divine Justinia being murdered, then I would have fallen into the Fade. I would have been questioned by an unnamed woman,  _no her name is Cassandra,_  and then I would fight. And I would continue to fight for months after. A whole history, and it was there but gone at the same time.  _Changed_ , something tells me. Altered. I can feel myself start to come around, in the reality I've always know, and as I do, so does the pain. My chest stings and burns, tears well behind my still closed eyes. I gasp. As soon as I do, Solas' arms are around me. He lifts my head to cradle me close and whispers sweet things into my ear. The words are far away and I don't understand what he is saying but as he speaks, the ripping pain in my chest thrums until it is no more than a steady pulse. The physical pain is gone but there is no magic incantation to displace my confusion.

I sit up, shrugging out of his tender embrace. I expect to be angry or happy or sad but nothing. Just nothing can express what I've seen. I have questions but I can't voice them. I sit, and stare. I stare at a little crack on the wall. One of many like it; inspecting it. Staring at a crack in the wall seems easier. Simpler. Solas straightens himself, his eyes are heavy and dark like he hasn't slept for days. A pang of sympathy jolts through me but I push it down and continue to stare at the spider web-like cracks. We sit there, not saying anything for a long time. Longer than even Solas can bare. "I should have told you but there was just so much to tell." He says, his voice weak, sheer like gossamer, as if he knows how little that excuses. He crumples, hiding his face in the palm of his hands, massaging his tired eyes. "Foolish." He says quietly. Another pang echoes through my heart.

My throat tightens, I don't know what to say or do so I get up. "Shall we go for a walk." I say. It's not a question but a demand, I try to keep the venom from poisoning my voice but it seeps through each word and pierces him. I try to harden my heart,  _to a cutting edge…_  Memories, my memories, float to the surface and I feel dizzy.

We walk. As if trying to find the words, Solas stays quiet for a long time and I am left to my jumbled memories and spinning thoughts. I chew the skin around my thumbnail nervously, distractedly. Finally he says, "I loved you." That stops me in my tracks. I want to say  _I know_. I saw him, and I saw myself. How I looked at him. How he felt holding me.  _It's the same now,_ I think. I want to hold him and cry and ask why it all happened this way. Why did he leave me? Why can't it be simple? I want to kiss him and lose myself in that kiss, forgetting the rest. Instead I stare. Unblinking. He continues, a few paces ahead now, "But I made a mistake. So many mistakes." He shakes his head. "If you will be patient with me I will explain all of it to you. Right here, right now. But know this, I could not bear the thought of losing you." I nod at him, not trusting myself to speak. Solas takes a shaky breath. I want to reach out and take his hand but instead I tuck my hands under my arms in front of me, binding myself off from him. "How much do you remember?" He asks.

Anger rises in my throat and I swallow hard. "Does it matter? You've already promised to tell me everything." I say, my voice sounds grated and hoarse, rusty. I swallow.

Solas nods, looking at me and then quickly looking elsewhere. "I only ask so I know how much you already remember." He takes another shaky breath and exhales, "I gave Corypheus the Orb that he used to unlock the Fade." It is the first confession he has made to me, and although everything seems muddled, I know that he has never told me that before,  _ever_. I try not to let it show on my face but it doesn't matter anyways because Solas is not looking at me at all. He continues, "He sacrificed Divine Justinia to gain the power to charge it. And you got caught in the crossfire. You tried to save her and just like that you began a journey that nearly killed you more times than I would care to admit. But you rose to the occasion and you were brilliant. I found you remarkable, thoughtful, intelligent, and  _beautiful._  I had fallen in love with you and was prepared to throw everything away for that." Solas looks at his hands, picking dirt from his fingernails. He continues, "But that was not the kind of man deserving of the Inquisitor, deserving of you. There was no way for me to abandon the consequences of my actions. So I broke your heart, stayed to help kill Corypheus, and then left. Trying to amend my mistakes. Searching for a way to atone. I thought that in another world we may be able to be together. To have a normal life. I wanted to come back to you and take you far away from the Inquisition, keep you to myself, grow old with you. I should have stayed and told you, explained to you then.  _Would you have forgiven me?"_  He asks, looking up at me, his blue eyes now suddenly clear and imploring, I open my mouth to answer but he continues, cutting me off. "I found the magic to turn back time, the same magic the Tevinter mage Alexius used to speed up time, and came back. I kept the orb and came directly after you. But when I found you, I realized that the orb didn't simply give you the power to alter the Fade. That was you. The whole time you were destined to be the Inquisitor, the orb simply unlocked your powers and magnified them. Now I have gone back and changed the course of history. I was on my way to find you, to build a life with you, when I realized how flawed my plan was. Corypheus will still find a way to rise to power, even without the orb, and now that the Conclave has passed there is no way of knowing when or how he will strike. We are blind." Solas hangs his head, shaking it. He is the image of a defeated man. I am still angry, still hurt and confused but everything is starting to fit in place. There is a tangible connection between this Mage and myself, I felt it the moment we met and now I know why. I understand why I loved him so readily both here and  _there_ and I understand why he made the mistakes he made. Reminiscent tendrils of the utter despair I felt when I lost him shake any remaining anger inside of me. With his head hung low, I reach out and touch his shoulder.

I rest my hand there, tenderly, intimately, and say, "I loved you too.  _What we had was real._ " I repeat the words he spoke to me before he left, words I can now remember, and that undoes him.

"I'm so sorry Vhenan." He says, tears wetting his cheeks, "So very sorry. I was a fool."

I search for the words and say what first reaches my tongue. "We will face this together. Once more. This time no secrets. We will trust each other and we will alert the Inquisition of the threat Corypheus imposes. Together." My head spins but I can sense what I said was true.

"Yes." He whispers. I twist so that I am in front of him and gently take his hands in mine. He doesn't look me in the eye and my heart, which has taken in so much this day, breaks. He is broken. He was always broken but I just never saw it.

"I see you." I say. The words are heavy but he knows what they mean. They mean that I can see his pain, and I choose to stay. I pull him close and wrap my arms around his waist. " _I see you, vhenan."_  I mumble into his robes.

Solas wraps his arms around me, "It killed me to leave you," he says.

Tears leak out of the corners of my eyes onto my cheeks. "I know," I manage to choke out.

* * *

It all seems too much but I find a strange confidence and comfort in the knowledge that this looming threat,  _Corypheus_ , was defeated by my hand once. It sends a chill up my spine. That confidence is shattered though, as soon as I take in my surroundings. We are in the empty shell that would have provided a base for the Inquisition. It is just Solas and myself at Skyhold, with no army, no agents, no support and no reason to sound an alarm,  _yet_. It will take strategy to be able to warn the others; Cassandra, Cullen, Lilliana, Josephine… Varric. They feel like old friends but yet I am a stranger to them. It makes me feel incredibly tired as I wrap my head around the wild truth.

Solas has not said much since his revelation but he stays close. We sit in the library and, to avoid idle hands, we read. I pour over Genitivi's accounts of Andraste and Solas reads a little pocket book he produced from his tunics. Suddenly, a thought comes to me. Something he said earlier wanders into my occupied, distracted mind;  _The orb unlocked your powers and magnified them._  "Solas," I say, looking over the top of my text, "If the orb unlocked my powers that must mean that they were dormant. That I did in fact, as we know now, have powers all along. But I've never displayed any signs of magical abilities until that moment I met you. Does that mean I am a mage or not?"

Solas folds his pocket book closed and tucks it away. He crosses one leg over the other and leans back in his chair. Thoughtfully he says, "I am not certain." He thinks for a moment, "When I knew you in my own future, you never displayed magical properties except for the mark on your hand but as you said we know now that your mark was not the only source of your power. When we first met, in the forest, I did nothing to open the rift but it would seem that you had weekend the veil already and the presence of the orb undid the loose bindings." I nod along. I try to recall a time where I noticed any thing magical about myself and draw a blank. And I certainly don't ever remember weakening the veil or unleashing the Fade. I sigh. Another mystery. Something to add to my discouragements. "We will train as if you are indeed a mage but I am not convinced. Perhaps we will uncover some research that will inform us of how you are able to do what you do." He says finally. "Together."

"Yes," I offer a small smile, "together."

Then he waves his hand as if brushing something out of the air. He produces a little flower. It is tiny and white. Innocent. "And to answer your question, you could be anything you want to be. You have always made your own way." Solas hands me the flower and I hold it up to my nose, letting the petals tickle my skin.

"Thank you." I say, my small smile blooming, unfolding on my face.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the intense waiting period! I've been working and reworking this chapter, my editor (my sister) lost the copy I gave her, and I got incredibly busy with Midterms, homework, and what not. SO FINALLY, here is the latest installment. I'll try to continue to post regularly just be patient with me! I hope you enjoy! - V.L. Heim

**Chapter 7: The Anchor**

"Can I see it?" I ask. Solas and I are standing on the battlements, in the same place he kissed me for the first time. At least the first time that I had ever known of at that moment.

"See what V'henan?" He asks in my ear, his arms are folded around my waist, his chin resting on my shoulder as we enjoy the fading sun over the mountains. In a moment like this I can nearly forget the events of yesterday. It is not a stretch of the imagination to picture the two of us, just the two of us, alone, happy, and watching the sunset like this as we grow old. A harshness inside of me laughs silently as I realize it was that exact thinking that broke my heart in the first place,  _in his reality_.

I turn, facing him, a tender smile tugging at my lips. "You know what I mean. You're too intelligent for your own good. You can't fool me."

Solas' smile is fleeting, bemused and then his face turns serious. "I worry that it is not advisable. We know so little about how the orb affects you."

I train my eyes on him, unblinking, "I want to see it."

Solas presses his lips in a thin line. "Alright, you may but please don't touch it."

"As you wish," I breathe on his cheek and press my lips to his skin. He closes his eyes and turns away from me, taking my hand and guiding me off the battlements into his tower.

He holds my hand all the way down the stairs, his fingers wrapped around mine. His hands have a way of remaining cool constantly. "Are you wearing your mother's comb?" He asks, over his shoulder. I stop on the stairs.

"What?" I ask. Confused. He slips a couple steps below me before he turns around to look up at me.

"The wolf bone comb." He says, his eyebrows furrowing, "The one your mother gave you. Are you wearing it?"

_I didn't tell him it was from my mother…_  I hesitate. "No, " I say, slowly, " I'm not."

Solas climbs a couple steps until he is standing right beneath me, his eyes level with my chin. He tilts his face up and naturally I turn mine down. "No matter." He says, and he reaches around his neck, taking off the talisman that he wears constantly, and loops it around my head so that it falls on my chest instead of his.

I inhale, feeling the weight of the bone talisman near my heart.  _Why?_  "What is this – " I stammer. My mind flicking back to the one and only time I had ever touched his talisman only a few nights ago.

"It will protect you," he says, and I wonder if it just a trick of the fading light in the stairwell, but he seems brighter, more vivid somehow. I lift the ancient, darkened bone to inspect it with delicate fingers, and then gape at Solas. "If you want to see the orb, please wear it, if not return it and we will forget about the Orb for tonight." He whispers, tucking a loose strand of my hair behind my ear. I let the talisman drop from my fingers, weighing on my chest, and I smile at him, pushing away ebbing doubts that haunt the corners of my mind.

"I'll wear it. Now, the orb Solas?"

Solas unfolds a heavy piece of velvet and produces the orb, it is the size of my fist, and looks like it is made entirely of stone. If I didn't know any better I would almost mistake it for a Dwarven toy of some sort but there is an elegance in the stone that even the Dwarves could not produce. It looks almost alive, the same way a tree or grass is living; natural and also powerful. There are deep etchings that curve like branches around it and a swirling script that I cannot read. It is ancient Elvish, of that much I am certain. For a long time I just stare at it, not thinking, not breathing, enthralled.

_"What's going on here?"_

_"Run!"_

_"No! The anchor!"_

I shudder. Finally I whisper, "What did he call it? The anchor?"

"Yes," Solas shifts his weight, "that is what Corypheus called it. He meant to use it to open a rift between this world and the fade, to travel through the veil and seize godhood in the Golden City."

I nod. I understand what that is supposed to mean but it still seems too large for me. "How," I say carefully, choosing my words slowly and deliberately, "how will we convince the others that we are not mad?" I only consider that we  _are_  actually mad for the briefest of moments before Solas answers me.

"I was having a hard enough time trying to speak to you, but after you remembered all of what happened to you in my own reality, I hope we might have an easier time convincing the others." Solas pauses, his eyes go to a far off place that I still can't see myself, and he adds, "You are the key, I am certain of it. I just have to do more research to figure out how you fit into the lock."

With that Solas folds the velvet over the anchor and tucks the tightly bound ball away with the rest of his belongings. I immediately notice the atmosphere in the room shift. It is less electric, less static, quieter as soon as Solas covers the orb. I let out a slow, long breath, not having realized I had been holding the air in my lungs, and start breathing normally again.

Hours later we are still sitting in the tower. "Our only advantage is that we have a glimpse into the future," Solas says. "However unreliable." He adds quickly.

For hours we have been discussing, researching, and discussing again how to rally the Inquisition. The state of our world, this reality, is so similar to what Solas has already lived but it is an obvious mistake to assume that we would be able to set similar events in motion. To begin with, the Divine would need to be murdered and we agree that there is no way to know if Corypheus would attempt that without the orb, also with the Conclave passed it seems increasingly unlikely. The only thing that we seem to know is that, without a doubt, Corypheus will find another way to seize power.

I rub my temples. My eyes are heavy, candle light flickers, the licks of flame faltering after hours of exhaustion. "What if we were able to show them what I saw?" I ask, monologuing instead of really thinking anymore.

"That's..." Solas stops pacing, "brilliant!"

"Is it?" I ask, trying to remember what I said exactly. I blink several times, forcing my eyes to stay open.

"Yes! If we could show them the future I knew, then maybe they would believe the danger we are all in." Solas pulls me from my chair with surprising strength into a fierce hug and then as quickly as he embraced me, he lets me go. He's flying through the stacks of books, looking for something.

"Can I help?" I venture, my cheeks warm and flushed.

"Yes of course. I am looking for a book, a Grimoire, a spell book that I brought with me. It should be in one of these piles. It is a deep purple, and old. Very old." He doesn't look up while he explains to me. I start rummaging as well. How many books did he bring with him? Some I recognize from the library shelves but there have to be at least half a dozen that he hauled with him. "Ah, here it is." Solas pulls the Grimoire out from a stack and sends the rest of the tower teetering dangerously to the side. I reach out, fast, to steady it but he doesn't seem to notice. He's already flipping the pages of the spell book frantically. "Here we are. An incantation that should allow me to show you my mind." He says, muttering something about how ancient this magic is, then he continues, "Come here, hold the book."

I step closer to him, he hands me the old volume and then takes my face between two delicate hands. We stand toe to toe and I hold my breath. Solas starts saying the incantation and then he opens his eyes. My body tingles with magic and I think I see something deep in his iris. The harder I focus the hazier the image is. I close my eyes and inhale deeply, exhaling I open my eyes again and then there it is.

A wolf.

Staring back at me with intense green eyes and a determined stance. I gasp and as I do the image disappears.

"What?" Solas asks, his voice intensely curious. "What did you see?"

My brow furrows in confusion, "A wolf." I say. "Just a wolf."

There is an uncanny blankness on Solas' face. Then he releases my cheeks and waves a hand dismissively. "That means nothing. I was trying to show you the future I lived and it didn't work. Especially if you  _just saw a wolf._ "

Something in my stomach twists, reacting to the sound of his voice, but I ignore it as he walks away.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Note from the Author
> 
> I apologize for the short post this time around... With University and Work my life has been incredibly busy. I hope you enjoy this sneak peek into the mind of our beloved Solas. I also played through the Trespasser DLC and after completing that have a few artistic choices to make before publishing more so be patient with me if the next installment is a long time coming as well. Enjoy!

**Chapter 8: Solas**

A woman who made you question your way of being was a dangerous creature. A  _beautiful_  woman with that type of power was lethal. And she was beautiful, the most beautiful creature that I had ever encountered in my long life.

I remember thinking that as she lay in Haven, unconscious and marked by my orb. Thrown into chaos by my own hand, innocent and sleeping. I remember thinking she was curiously pretty but the appreciation I found about her didn't develop until later. I witnessed her leadership, I fell in love with her spirit, and by then it was too late. She was so beyond anything I had ever encountered that, by the time I realized how deep and wide my emotions could be, I had already made my decision. A decision that she challenged with each tender moment, every inquisitive question, and stolen kiss. She was graceful, confident, and proud. Very proud, of herself, her people. She was thoughtful and challenging.

Skyhold holds many memories, many whispers, and many spirits. I knew they would be here but kept them at bay. Tonight I search for them and I can see  _us_.  _"In all of Thedas I never expected I would find someone who could draw my attention from the Fade."_ My own words echo back to me. My emotions in those moments pierce my heart anew. It was then that I knew I could not abandon my cause, that I would stop Corypheus at any cost and then continue on my path of restitution, and the feelings that shattered my heart when I made that choice, the choice to leave her, still cut through me. Ignorant and stubborn as I was I could not have anticipated how much I would regret that choice in the following months.

The fade has always been a welcomed escape, it is ironic now that here, in the Fade, I am haunted by a memory that makes want to run to reality. Run into her arms, embrace her, kiss her, and never let her go.

I open my eyes, stepping back across the threshold from the Fade to the Waking world, my skin clammy and sallow. There is a bittersweet bile in the back of my throat. I roll to stare at her. She is facing away from me, two arm lengths out of my reach. Her sides lift gently with each breath. I watch, that bittersweet taste in my mouth thickening, I should have told her everything at the beginning.  _I should tell her everything now,_  I think, still gazing at her back _._ She is truly amazing. Powerful, even without his orb, without the mark on her hand, she has always been powerful.

_Or had she?_

The melancholy ebbs from the forefront of my mind. I slip out of my bedroll, pulling a few volumes of books from the collection on the table, and go upstairs to the abandoned library.

When she wakes I have to bundle my excited energy down and slowly explain to her what my research revealed. She was already overwhelmed but she nods along as I speak. I want to fold her up in my arms and spin her around but I beam instead, finishing my explanation.

She blinks. "So I'm… What did you call it?" She asks, muddling her way through the complexities that is nothing else than magic.

"Fade-Touched." I confirm for her once again.

"Which means…?"

"Which means you have walked the Fade physically, in my own future I witnessed you walk it yourself, and I think that like any substance that is from the fade, you have been touched by it. This would explain why you would have never had powers before the day we met. Until then, you were simply you, but when I came back, I wrinkled your timeline. Our timeline. Somehow, you remain touched, from a future that you never lived but regardless, you still have some of your powers from then. Like being able to weaken the veil, and remember your own alternate future. Is it not remarkable?!" I finish with a huff of achievement and sit down across from her to take her hands. I stroke her long fingers and turned thoughtful, "This is not the past, nor future I had imagined for us when I came back for you. If I could have anticipated this…" I trail off. If I had anticipated this would I have done what I did? Would I have focused my energy into turning back time simply to go through the same trials with the same uncertainties as before?  _No,_  I think to myself,  _No I would have continued on. Alone._

She smiles, a thoughtful smile, and it lights her face up. She is warm and gentle but there is an undertone of strength and determination in her that makes her so much more than a pretty face. "It's complicated." She says simply, cradling my hand in hers.

A moment passes and we stay like that, then I breathe, "I also had a thought." My thumb rubs the inside of her wrist and I lean in close and whisper into her ear how we might proceed.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: The Storyteller**

"They say coin never sleeps, but anyone who's walked the patrol of Hightown market at midnight might disagree. The pickpockets and confidence men head to the taverns at dusk, the dwarven businessmen and nobles go back to their tiny palaces to fret over the ways they got cheated, and the market falls silent." I read aloud as we rest in a giant alcove away from Skyhold. Solas is leaning against an unusual looking bolder, it is cracked down the centre, like someone had taken a great axe to it and cleft it in two. I sit across from him and if I shifted slightly to the left I could lean on his shoulder but instead, I sit rigid and read from  _Hard in Hightown_  by Varric Tethras, the cold stone of the alcove chilling me to the bone. "Donnen Brennokovic knew every angle of the market with his eyes closed. Twenty years of patrols had etched it into him so that he walked that beat even in his dreams." I pause, "It is strange." I say.

Solas, who had been resting his eyes while listening to me read, opens them. "What is my heart?" He asks.

"I miss him." I close the book and shift a little closer to get a better look at the apostate, time-travelling mage. "Varric that is. I can remember him, just as if I had indeed met him. Reading this," I hold up the dusty copy of the bestselling novel, "makes me feel as if he should miss me too."

"Ah, yes. That is more than understandable." Solas sits up now too. "Varric was a good friend to you. It is more than fair that you would miss him."

"But he doesn't even know who I am now." I sigh.

"No, I suppose he doesn't." I laugh and shake my head. Standing I peer down at Solas. He smiles and stands as well. "But you are still you." He says, "You will always be you. Varric will handle this with ease, he has seen worse and before you know it you will be fast friends once more." Solas shrugs and starts packing up the bag we brought with us. When we had stopped, Solas had pulled off his outer tunic to reveal surprisingly muscular shoulders. Even though we had been hiking through the snowy peaks of the mountain Solas' brow was glistening with sweat. His frame is tall and lithe. He holds himself with purpose and an awareness that is fascinating. He pulls his outerwear over his head and turns to face me catching me staring and I look away quickly. Even with all of my memories, even knowing that he respected, cherished, and loved me, I still find it difficult to express my feelings. It is an unusual situation and he is well aware of that. It doesn't stop him from walking over to me and touching my forehead tenderly. "You are flushed, vhenan. Drink this." He slips a canteen into my hands without blinking or moving. My chest is tight and I can't break his gaze.

"Kiss me," I whisper. The words barely escaping my lips.

Solas' eyes soften and his face relaxes into a gentle smile. He holds my chin in one hand and tilts my mouth up to meet his. At first the kiss is soft and warm. When I let my eyes drift closed I see flashes of a time where I went to kiss him and he pulled me closer. The memory, accompanied by Solas's present mouth on mine, makes my heart thump and blood rush. As if he can sense my desire Solas pulls me tighter by the waist with his free arm. The canteen and Varric's novel clutter to the ground as I wrap my hands around his neck and pull into him. Soon my thoughts are not thoughts anymore and I lose myself intertwined with him. If I didn't know how to express myself before, it would seem that I have figured it out in this moment.

I gasp for breath, my cheeks twice as flushed, as all the blood in my body warms my face. Solas pulls away slowly, resting his forehead on mine, and looking into my eyes. I am suddenly overwhelmed and tears prick the corners of my eyes. I burry my face in the crook of his neck and weep. Openly, I sob as I try to wade through the strange situation. Weighing all that has happened in my shattered reality. Solas doesn't move and somewhere in the back of my consciousness I know that the woman he knew never would have sobbed like this. He doesn't even seem to breathe. He holds me and says nothing.

I pull away from Solas and try to regain some of my composure, my pride shattered in little pieces around me. "We better push on." I sniff. "We should be over the summit before nightfall." Solas nods and picks up the novel and canteen from the ground. He tucks them in his bag, pulls his tunic back over his head and slips his hand into mine. With his free hand he pulls a scarf around his neck and over his nose. I look down at our fingers intertwined then back into his face before we march out into the snowy mountain once more.

* * *

I let my hair out of the usual braid that holds it back trying to cover my ears in the human pub. The long hair cascades down the sides of my face and I smile slightly when Solas exhales low and soft. He has pulled the hood up around his head. Elves are not always treated well in human bars and we have both been burned once too many by the Shens. We slink to the bar. The tavern master asks us what we'll have. I shake my head and Solas graciously refuses. The tavern master raises an eyebrow but asks no questions. He turns and tends to other paying customers.

I lean into Solas and whisper, "Where do you suppose Cassandra is keeping Varric?"

He opens his mouth to reply but just then a loud and eerily familiar laugh fills the pub. I whip around and search in vain trying to find the source of the sound. With my head swinging back and forth, searching the crowd, Solas lifts a hand and points to a gaggle of people who are grouped around a barely visible dwarf. Solas shakes his head, taking in the scene of silly girls and drunk men but my mouth twitches into a smile.

I push my stool away from the bar, walk toward the cluster of people, and stand in front of my old friend. "Varric Tethras; rouge, storyteller, and occasional unwelcome tagalong." I smile as I repeat the words he first spoke to me. Solas appears at my elbow. Varric looks up at the two of us, raising an eyebrow in confusion.

"That's my line!" Varric slurs then starts laughing again, the chorus of fans accompanying him. He leans forward, shrugging off the two girls holding onto him. "You must be a real fan!" Hiccup. "What can I sign for ya Peach?!" I suppress a titter of laughter but something of a growl in the back of Solas' throat causes my head to whip around.  _Strange, he doesn't strike me as the jealous type…_  Varric raises his hands, "Whoa, hey there Chuckles. I'm not making a pass at your girl. Just asking an honest question."

"We need to tell you something." I say quickly, taking a step in front of Solas. Varric moves his hand, motioning for me to lay it down but I shake my head. "It would be best to show you, I think." I smile and then add, "But not here."

"This is either going to be very good or very bad." Varric grumbles, standing up and swaying a bit too much to one side. The girls whine but he steps around them. "You have my attention Peach." He says coming up toe to toe with me. Hiccuping between words. With that we lead him to the room we purchased for the night and close the door.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10: Well, Shit**

I sit across from Varric on a sad excuse for bed and I place my hands on either side of the dwarf's face. While Solas is looking up the spell in that old Grimoire he had brought with him, Varric winks at me and I smile softly. I suspect that, if he knew what we were going to show him - how it would change his life - he wouldn't be so inclined to his personal brand of antics. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, bracing myself for Solas' incantation. The words are forceful, eloquent, and then it's as if I've been plunged into the depths of a deep, cold lake. There is a few moment of darkness, and irrationally, I think, _I suppose this is what it feels like to drown._

A void, bare and black; I'm disembodied in my own mind and disoriented until I hear, "Bloody Hell", as if it where my own self speak. Emerging out of the darkness, I can see Varric, his body, or what he knows to be his body. If I had to compare it to his physical form I'd say that Varric, for all of his sarcastic charm, is not vain. He has rendered a fairly accurate image of himself here in his memories. Somewhere in the very distant corners of my subconscious I wonder if I am vain or not. I suppose now is not the time to be worried about that.

"What in Andraste's name are you and Chuckles into?" He bellows at me as I approach him. His voice bleeds out through the darkness, fear ebbing into his speech, forcing me to pause.

"Varric," I reach out my hand, "You do not need to fear me. I'm just here to show you something important. So important that it involves all of our lives or deaths," I plea. I didn't expect this part to be so difficult. _It's unnatural_ , something tells me, _to be inside the head of another._ I suddenly feel exposed. How much will he see?

Varric takes a breath to settle himself but I can still see or rather feel his distress, "Alright Peach," he says, "tell me what's so important."

My heart hammers. I have one chance at this but I force myself to say, "I'm going to show you." Then I focus on all that I've seen, all that I know, and we are swept away.

* * *

It starts with being interrogated. Cassandra and Leliana hold me and accuse me of creating the breach. The sky is torn, green tendrils of the fade spill through into our world, and frantic chaos has swept through Haven. Cassandra and I stumble through. I know where we are going but I try to direct my thoughts toward Varric.

"You'll find me just around that corner." Varric says, he is omniscient as I am, overlooking my memories as if floating through an obscure nightmare. His voice makes my heart pound in surprise and the memory jumps and we are in front of each other.

Then we're fighting beneath the hole in the sky; stabilizing the Breech. It isn't the solution we're looking for and it was excruciatingly painful. I know Varric feels the pain I knew at that moment. It's as though he is living through this whole separate history with me. The more I think about having him in my head the more frantic I feel. The memories fly before us; travelling, fighting, restoring order. We gather the support of the Mages. Form an alliance. The second attempt to close the Breech is successful and afterward there is a brief moment of joy.

That's what we have to see. Corypheus ride through the mountains on a dragon. Varric, the Varric who is seeing my thoughts, swears low and exhales.

"He was dead."

"I know," I think, reaching out to explain. "But he is alive and he is going to tear open the sky and destroy the world in the process."

I try to focus on the rest of my strange future. I try to show Varric everything that I think is important; the plot against the Empress, the Red Templars, the disappearance of the Grey Wardens. We tumble through a mosaic of jumbled memories and thoughts. My heart is thumping in my throat and suddenly I am standing alone in a crumbling battlefield. Solas holds a broken relic, his eyes are full of emotion.

" _No matter what comes, I want you to know what we had was real."_

The words ripple back to me but something is different. I don't feel the crushing despair that I know I experienced - No, I see the scene through the eyes of a stranger and notice something that I could not have and would never have noticed before. The orb, although broken and dead, sparked at _his_ touch.

"That's enough," Varric says, his voice is comforting and welcome, echoing back to me through so much confusion. "I think I get the picture. You can stop now Peach."

* * *

We wake in the waking world and Varric pulls away from me, instinctually, but then calms himself. He looks up at me. His eyes wide and amber in the candle light, I memorize his face. This jolt of recognition splits through me but I know that this is the first time we've actually met. He looks at me with distant eyes, the shock rippling through him, followed be cool understanding.

"Well, shit." He repeats, another echo but it makes me smile nonetheless.

"As you now see, we must rally the Inquisition," Solas says, his voice even and measured as usual. Annoyance pricks at me and my eyes cut to his, as if to tell him to slow down. There is so much to take in and I understand first-hand what it feels like to carry the weight of confusion.

We spend hours talking and explaining to Varric the situation. We tell him of Skyhold, about Solas' journey back to find me, about the orb. Naturally he wants to see the relic and reluctantly Solas obliges.

After talking circles around us late into the evening Varric announces that he has some letters to write and more ale to drink. We watch him go and doubt nettles at my stomach. I pray to every god I know that he believes us.


End file.
